He was a Lion.

She felt the heat before she saw the man. Head bowed, the seven foot man crouches in the entrance of the subway car. His tawny dreads are braided and wrapped into a handsome bun at the nape of his long mahogany neck. He brought with him a dry heat that sucked at the New York City summertime humidity. The sounds of the subway intrude. The noise and bustle of W4 station, the F train, assail him. A high pitched bing announces that the doors will close in seconds. He moves forward an inch. His head tilts up, golden wire rimmed glasses flash as the chrome doors slide close behind his stout figure. His massive frame is wrapped in a specially tailored charcoal Armani suit. His silk black tie is held in place by a gold tie clip. His strides have a lazy, educated danger to them. He stops mid-car and looks directly at her. She pays him no mind but the children, the children look up and see the beast. They gasp and giggle. They play around him and poke fun at his height. He bares it with dignity and with a low rumble in his chest he growls softly, “It is not the heights that your body might reach that you cubs should be aware of. It is the height of your mind.”

He was a Lion.

I’m all over the place….

OKAY okay okay. So I haven’t been very good at writing in here. No one is reading anyway so it doesn’t really matter… does it?

Since I was last here I have been to Minnesota, San Francisco and I am currently in New York. I was in Minnesota helping my Grandmother and her sister. I was in San Francisco for a Treat. And… I am in NYC right now getting over the FLU and doing research for “The Change”.

Minnesota taught me (1) not to waste my life feeling sorry for myself, (2) stop blaming others for my problems and (3) If I don’t like it… change it. The overall lesson was… LIFE IS SHORT. How many times have you heard that statement. Well… I DON’T CARE if it is over used. The statement is too true to be cliche. I was in a rut of my own making and it took my own WILLPOWER to tear myself out of it.

Below: Mississippi River near St. Cloud, Minnesota.

San Francisco was a TREAT! Again with the clich├ęs… AND… if you don’t like it go read someone else’s brain snot. San Francisco taught me the power of FRIENDSHIP. Life long friends coming back into my life and TELLING ME THE TRUTH. A multitude of truths they were afraid to tell me because of the situation I had been in. I was too hardheaded to hear them and they were too afraid to lose my friendship. The outcome… I lost their friendship for many years. (Side note here: Have you ever tried to CLOSE YOUR EARS? Try it. NOW try it with out the use of your hands. You really can’t. You can close your eyes and mouth but God or WhoeverWhateveryoubelievein made it physically impossible to close ones ears.) I AM LISTENING NOW!!!! Thank you to my friends. You know who you are.

Below: Candlestick Park. 49ers vs Bears. First Game Kaepernick started in. Score 32-7. The Niners thrashed the Bears. That was a Treat!

New York. I Love. Sneeze. Ahh. New York. Cough. Spit. Damn Flu. (If you haven’t gotten the shot… GET IT. It may not help but if it can tame any of the symptoms… TRUST ME… you be a much happier puppy.) With the help and love of one of the best men I know, I am getting over one of the WORST. FLUs. EVER. Ask the newscasters and doctors and New Yorkers. Ask 47 of our States. (Hawaii and two others still haven’t been hit.) WORST FLU EVER. I haven’t been this sick since I was a kid. I took everything! Advil, Tylenol, Mucinex, Nyquil, Alkaselzer…. nothing worked until I finally put on my big girl panties and went to a doctor. He gave me Prometh with Codeine cough syrup and told me to take Zyrtec-D and hold tight. This was a lying in a pool of sweat coughing up both my lungs having freaky codeine induced dreams head cold body achy head hammering phlegm that’s all colors of the rainbow if the rainbow was a shade of brownish green… AND I’m getting over it. Today is the best I’ve felt in a week.

Below: Best Cookies Ever. Whole Foods. The only gluten-free cookie worth eating. Yummy. Only Found in NYC. COOKIES WOULD MAKE ME FEEL EVEN BETTER!!!! Just saying…

After I’m done here I’m going to start a Health and Wellness Blog for my Family. My little cousins Chelsea and Kristian asked me to help them out by being their coach. In my foggy, codeine crazed state of FLU-ness… I said YES!.  I’m going to start writing a blog for them to follow. Maybe I can get the rest of the family on board???

After I’m done with that I am going to start reading “The Change.” OH… WAIT… I haven’t told you yet. I FINISHED A WORKING COPY about a month ago. YIPPEE!!! It is NOT DONE. I am so happy though. I have something to work with!!!

Much love and gallons of cough syrup.

Pili

Sink or Swim

“Sink or Swim,” he stated very nonchalantly as if my admittance meant little. I had just told the man that I was terrified of continuing on the journey and all he could do was shrug and say, “Sink or Swim.”

Was it really so simple?

He continued, “I know so many people who are constantly telling me about the things they WANT to do or the things they WOULD be doing IF they dot dot dot. You fill in the blank. Its all excuses. Just do it. Either you will swim above your self-doubt or you will sink and drown in it. All you must do is choose. Sink or Swim?

I thought for a moment and then smiled. “I like swimming.”

The Change – Blob

Fear.

I am afraid to write. Call me a coward. Call me stupid. Tell me to ‘just do it’. But there it is. I am afraid.

I started this blog back in 2007, about the same time I started work on my manuscript. I had moved from theatre drenched NYC to make it large in LA. Not so much art happening when you’re bartending in Hollywood, doing background work in Studio City and scraping for auditions for bit roles in the latest Showtime lesbian drama or going to look-sees for K-Mart apparel. So I decided to create my own worlds. I returned to my first love, writing. This blob (blog… I meant) was supposed to be my grand entrance. (I kept blob because my finger slipped and hit ‘b’ instead of ‘g’. It seemed fitting. Blob. This blob sat here, hollow, for five years.

This manuscript I am speaking of shall henceforth be known as ‘The Change’. Not like the change the small crinkly old man with the beautiful smile asks you for in the subway. Not the shift change that happens when a fresh team of bartenders take over for the poor saps that had to work the slow dayshift. This Change happens when you need guidance the most. This Change happens when you are ugly with pimples and braces and your classmates are meaner than rabid Winny-the-poo on a sunny day chained to a rainbow unicorn on a bad acid trip.

The Change is about the humanity of demi-gods, gods, kinolau, changelings, animal spirits, were-animals. It is all the legends and stories be it Greek or Roman, Hawaiian or Native American, of Animals that you have ever heard of explained in one simple fact: They are real. The Animals live amongst us. The Animal Kingdom rules us.

At least that’s the blurry, low-def, sweeping panoramic view of this world.

I know I haven’t given much away and I probably wont give you much else except to say that 54,000 words later I am scared of this book. Like a scraggly gangly thirteen year-old it needs to be fed and nurtured into a less scraggly still-gangly almost fourteen year-old. I look at my words and they swim in front of me. Where to start? Where to begin? So I close my computer and I find a corner to hide in. I pull up iBooks and read the polished works of published authors and I get myself lost in their world… instead of my own.

So I was thinking that maybe if I just sat down at this blob of a blog that I started five years ago but never used, I could gain the confidence I needed to sit down and finish the third draft of The Change. A draft that I may have the oloz (ask someone from Hawaii what that means if you don’t automatically get it)… Where was I? Oh yeah… my oloz. I might have the confidence to give the first three chapters to people I trust to tear into it with red pens and smiling faces. Well maybe not tear into but hopefully it’ll be good enough to garner their time and a smile.